Never Take Chrysanthemums From Stamens
by little furry cannibals
Summary: Communication is the key to any good relationship; too bad no one told Jacob that applied to fatherhood as well. Join our favorite naive couple in the fine art of child-rearing! Gratuitous plants may be involved as well.


A/N: Beta'd and co-authored by Bragi151. Embry's persona is based off of a portrayal by author, sfiddy.

* * *

><p>"Never take Chrysanthemums from Stamens"<p>

Next week would mark the first birthday of Bella and Jakes first child, Thomas. Jacob loved his son and his beautiful wife, and while they were both devoted parents, Jake felt it was time for them to have a night out alone. He wanted to take her to a nice restaurant where they could sit, relax, eat their dinner at the same time and not have to worry that the baby was being ignored.

Bella, being a first-time mommy, suffered from the usual separation anxiety and wasn't as fond of the idea as Jacob was. He waited until Thomas was down for mid-afternoon nap and Bella was reading/dozing before proposing his plan.

"Jake, I think it's too soon. I mean, Thomas isn't even one yet," Bella objected when he brought up the idea. Figuring he would understand and let the topic go, she didn't even bother to open her eyes as she lay across their bed waiting for the baby monitor to indicate that Thomas was waking up.

"Honey, I'm not talking about leaving him for an extended amount of time," he explained, stepping into the room and sitting on the bed. "We won't even be gone overnight. I just want the two of us to have some _us_ time."

That caused Bella's eyes to snap open quickly. "Jake, we've had _us _time three or four times a week for the past nine months."

"Not that type of _us_ time," He explained while trying not to grin. "I mean a night were we can get dressed up and enjoy each other alone without one of us jumping up when the baby monitor crackles."

"And just who exactly would watch Thomas? He doesn't like to stay where he's not familiar so we couldn't leave him at your dad's house. And Billy couldn't watch him here, there's no way your dad could navigate the stairs. Charlie's okay to watch Thomas if it's only for an hour or so, but I'm nervous about leaving him without any type of 'protection'…" Bella trailed off for a moment, lost in thought about the worries she still carried concerning vampires. There hadn't been any sightings for a long time yet Bella still suffered from the occasional panic attack, worried that one might still be trying to kill her.

Jake was glad she had offered the perfect opening for him. Clearing his throat, Jake softly explained his idea. "Well, no, not one of our dads. But I was thinking I could ask a fellow pack mate to watch him."

"You want a werewolf to watch our child?"

"I'm a werewolf and I think I do a damn good job of raising him." The teasing tone did nothing to appease Bella's concern.

"Yes, you do, but you're his dad. It's different if someone else watches him. And don't curse; you'll teach Thomas bad words."

Jacob chose to ignore the cursing remark. "Yeah, yeah I get it. We're wolves and all that stuff. But we aren't real wolves, were a male will kill the offspring of another one. Embry will be fine for a few hours."

"Embry?" she squeakily asked as if Jake had just suggested a man-eating troll would watch their kid.

"Yes, Embry. He hasn't imprinted nor does he have a girlfriend. He would be the best bet to have come over and watch Thomas. He won't be distracted by someone of the opposite sex and his full attention will only be on our son." If Jacob thought he was going to win a battle such as this so easily, he failed to remember the stubborn streak Bella could show.

"Embry is NOT baby-sitter material, Jacob. The reason he doesn't have a girlfriend is because he's kind of weird." At Jacob's look of anger, Bella hastened to explain. "I know he's your best friend and all, but even you think he's a little out there."

"I'll admit, he might come across as unusual, but it's not like he's going to be with Thomas for days on end. I'm only asking for you to spend a few hours with me, alone, while Embry makes sure to feed the kid when he's hungry, change his diaper when it needs to be and listen to him breath while he's sleeping."

"Multi-tasking is not Embry's strong suit," Bella pointed out.

"Are you referring to the time he left his dinner in the oven while he was working outside and forgot about it?"

"Oh god," Bella moaned, having completely forgotten about the kitchen fire.

"Bella, it was just an accident. He's way better now and, I promise, he won't even be allowed to turn on any kitchen appliances while here, okay?"

"No, Jake. I absolutely refuse to allow him to baby-sit and nothing you say can change my mind. Besides, Thomas is still too young to be without his mommy and I won't do it."

* * *

><p>Two weeks later, Jake answered the door. After several more heated arguments with Bella, a night on the couch and a signed written statement that no harm would befall Thomas, Jacob had gotten Bella to agree to the outing.<p>

She was still upstairs getting ready although Jake suspected she was doing baby-safety checks of the house to ensure that if Thomas was able to crawl away from Embry, he wouldn't be able to hurt himself. He had also spotted Bella unplugging the stove and turning off the breaker as added safety measures.

"Hey, Jake," Embry greeted him, hoisting a backpack over his shoulder, waiting to be let in.

"Hey, Em! Thanks for doing this. Bella's just finishing up and then she'll be down to give you your instructions."

Laughing, Embry just shook his head and made his way to the living room, dropping his back next to the couch before plopping down as well. "Is she really going to read me the riot act? Babysitting is nothing like trying to grow an _**Amorphophallus titanum**_ ."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Jacob asked before his mind caught up to Embry's weird fetish. "Oh, is that the plant you said you were trying to grow? The one that's a botanist wet-dream or something?"

"Jacob!" Embry cried, grabbing his chest in false desperation. At least, Jacob hoped to hell it was false. "If you are referring to my attempt to germinate, cultivate and reproduce one of the most cherished flowers in the plant kingdom, then yes, that would be the flower."

"And, tell me again why this is such a grand thing? As I remember, you said that once the flower opens it smells like something a vampire threw up." Jacob just couldn't see the fascination with such an object.

"Yes, Jake, once it has become ready to pollinate, the bloom produces an odor that can be scented from nearly half a mile away by normal human senses. Botanist clubs around the world have tried to grow this flower and most have failed as it is highly vulnerable outside of its natural habitat."

Jacob threw his hands up in exasperation. "Embry, the damn thing is supposed to grow up to ten feet high, the center of which resembles a pink colored dildo fit for Godzilla! I fail to see the obsession with such a smelly, obscene…THING!"

Embry felt a tingle of hurt at Jacob's blatant disregard for his hobby. "Come on, Jake. That's not fair and you know it! This is a self-challenge on my part; to see if I can actually harvest a titan arum to fruition."

Jacob, seeing the look of earnest hurt on Embry's face, attempted to back track. The last thing he wanted was for Embry to leave because he thought Jacob was making fun of him. "It's not that I don't think a man should ignore his passion, but don't let Bella hear you say anything about plants. You have to find your 'baby-face' and at least attempt to soothe her fears. If she even thinks you might be the least bit distracted about watching Thomas, I'll never get her out the door."

"Should I call her on my cell as soon as the front door closes? That way she'll be in constant contact and know what's going on," Embry asked, visually relaxing and amused that Bella was acting more protective than a wolf did when his mate was pregnant. Those last few months of Bella's and Jacob had nearly tied a leash to Bella, always walking between her and anyone else of the pack and insisting that all pack meets take place either just outside of his house or via mental-link, Jacob transforming and hiding in his garage.

"Lower your voice," Jake hissed, stepping closer to his friend. "Good god, man! Don't even let Bella catch wind of that type of suggestion. The whole idea is for her to relax and enjoy our time together; not for her to devise a way to still baby-sit while not in the same room as Thomas. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to smuggle the monitor out with us, although I already told her the signal was only good for three hundred feet."

Before Embry could respond, Bella was heard walking down the stairs towards the living room. Jacob stood up, straightening his jacket, and looking immensely pleased that soon, oh so soon, it would just be the two of them for the evening.

"Hello, Embry," Bella greeted him, trying not to let her panic show as she handed him the baby monitor. Turning to Jake, she handed him a tape measure. "Jake, I counted the steps from Thomas's room to the living room. It's somewhere between sixty and sixty-eight feet, depending on how close to the wall you walk. Could you double check? I want to make sure Embry will be able to hear when Thomas wakes up. Maybe he should just sit outside the nursery, on the floor? You know, to be safe."

Embry couldn't help it, he started to laugh at Bella's absurdity only to stop short when Jake reached and painfully squeezed his shoulder. "Honey, it's okay, everything is going to be fine. Even if the baby monitor couldn't transmit down here—which you already know it does—or if the batteries were to go bad, or any other number of things, Embry would still hear Thomas." Tapping his ear, Jacob added, "Remember, we're wolves?"

"The batteries? Jake, I forgot to check those and I don't think we have any spare. Maybe we better reschedule this for another time." Turning on her heel, Bella was half-way to the utility room before Jacob latched on to her shoulder.

"Bella, honey, come on. You're being just a little bit paranoid, don't you think?" Jake asked, unconcerned about her latest attempt at backing out. Grabbing her hand, he gently tugged her towards the door while Bella continued to sputter nonsense about making sure the smoke detectors still worked and the need to show Embry all emergency exits. Jake was pretty sure that even Embry was smart enough to leave via a door or window if need-be and should he have any doubts, the decals Bella had affixed to every fixture would give it away.

* * *

><p>Jacob nearly turned the car around three times on the hour drive to the restaurant. Damn, he loved his woman but sometimes she voiced her concerns to the point where he wished a man could tell his wife to shut up and she had to listen.<p>

By the time they had pulled into the restaurant, ordered some drinks (Jake may have tipped the waiter to add additional shots to Bella's drink) and decided on their entrées, Bella had all but stopped reminding Jacob of everything that Embry might do, or worse yet, fail to do at all.

When dessert was finally served, Jacob was once again blissfully happy. Bella had failed to mentioned Embry or Thomas once in the past twenty minutes and was wearing a shyly provocative smile Jacob had all intentions of cashing in on, later.

"I'm sorry I doubted you Jake. I had a really nice time, thank you." Bella cast her husband a loving smile as they pulled into their driveway shortly before midnight.

Jake picked up her hand and gave a kiss to her knuckles. "So you think you might be willing to try this once a month?" He asked, no doubts in his mind whatsoever that Bella would agree.

"Yes, I think that can be arranged." Holding hands as they walked up to the front door, Jake could hear Embry murmuring to Thomas. Bella couldn't hear it, but Jake was worried how she might react to the fact that their son wasn't asleep at this late hour.

Unlocking the door –kind of pointless in the mythological world, Jake thought—he slowly pushed it open, allowing Bella to step inside first. Taking off her coat, she didn't notice that the living room lights were on or that Embry was in fact discussing photosynthesis to Thomas.

"Tell Embry thank you while I go check on Thomas. I'll meet you upstairs," Bella whispered, still oblivious to what was going on. Turning around, she took two steps before freezing, realizing that Embry was talking to someone.

"Who else is here, Jake?" She whispered, suddenly concerned that Embry's full attention might not be devoted solely to their child.

Hands up in the air, Jacob tried to project calm and honest sentiments. "No one, Bells, I swear. Embry is simply reading to Thomas; there's no one else here."

Frowning, Bella hovered on the stair. "Are you sure? Embry doesn't exactly strike me as the type to tell Tommy bedtime stories."

"He's not reading a children's story to him, it's an adult-"

"Jacob Ephraim Black! Don't just stand there and let him corrupt our child with that smut. You go in there and…" pausing mid-rant, Bella huffed angrily before turning back down the stairs. "Never mind. I'll take care of it."

Embry had stopped reading out loud as Bella's voice had grown in anger. Jacob caught her as she tripped on the bottom step and helped guide her to the living room where Embry and Thomas were located. With an apologetic smile towards Embry, he waited to see how his wife planned to handle the babysitter.

"Embry, I realize you don't know much about children but clearly you would know enough not to read them stories about…" Wrangling out of Jacob's grasp, she marched over to the book Embry had set on the couch opposite side of the baby carrier where Thomas was cooing. "…stories about the life cycle of a plant!" Glaring again at Embry, it took her a few seconds before the spoken words registered in her befuddled brain. "A plant? What kind of twisted sex games are you playing at?"

"Bells," Jacob interjected as Embry shot him a pleading look. "I think you're misunderstanding. Embry is reading Thomas a normal book about plant life; plant life without hidden meanings." At Embry's frantic nodding of agreement and Bella's face turning bright red in embarrassment, Jacob looked for the quickest way to save everyone. "Embry, thank you for watching Thomas, both Bella and I appreciate it. As you can see, she's not…quite herself at the moment," he explained, elaborating on the few drinks his wife had consumed. "And I know she humbly begs your forgiveness in her misunderstanding."

"Uhh, that's okay, Jake; no harm done. Bella, I'm glad you had such a good time and for, uhhh, trusting me to watch Thomas." Grabbing his book to throw in his pack, Embry brushed his fingers against Thomas's hand before standing up. "I'm going to go now, I'll see you later."

Despite Bella's brief sojourn from normal mom to crazy-overprotective-kill-the-babysitter mom, Jacob held out hopes for more dates with his wife and after the first disaster-averted babysitting job, Bella did begin to relax, allowing Embry the opportunity to babysit Thomas for more occasions.

Embry wasn't all that in to kids, but he sure as hell loved the chance to talk about plants, especially to an audience that wasn't able to tell him to shut up or hurt him like Paul had. The ever-angry pack-mate had told Embry one day—more than once—to shut up before he took care of it. The actual phrasing was closer to "If you don't shut your fucking mouth about the insiduous of the deciduous I'm gonna have to fucking weed whack your throat with a bamboo shoot."

Only Quil had been stupid enough to point out that Paul's threat didn't rhyme (no one else bothering to comment that insiduous wasn't a word). The forced truce between Paul and Embry had lasted all of twenty-minutes before Embry made the comment about how nice the evergreens smelled as the guys helped Quil Sr. clear out his backyard. Nobody was willing to step in the middle of it when Paul grabbed Embry by the scruff of his shirt and dragged him into the forest.

Two hours later, a whistling Paul had returned from his foray with a stumbling Embry a few minutes later. Paul's tittered comment of "How do you like the smell of nature now, bitch?" and Embry reeking of bear shit was enough of an explanation for the rest of the pack.

Even with Embry's odd quirk towards nature, Bella became more comfortable with wolf watching her child. No one was particularly surprised when Thomas's first word—after the standard ma and da- was of a vegetative variety although Jacob could have wished it was less offensive.

"Buh...buh…bush!" Thomas declared excitedly one morning in the dining room.

"Jacob, did you hear that? He said his first full word," Bella exclaimed, smiling at the accomplishment of her son.

"Yeah, I heard," Jake responded, frowning slightly. What the hell would people think when their son shouted that word out in public?

Bella, unaware of Jacob's thoughts continued to exalt about Thomas's babysitter. "Embry is the best thing for little Thomas. Did you know that he even bought toddler books to read to him? Oh, it was the cutest thing. One of them was a Dr Seuss book, explaining about the devastating effects of over-logging."

Jacob started to chuckle. "Don't let Quil read Thomas any Dr Seuss books; that could be a nightmare." Bella gave her husband an odd look, indicating for him to further explain. "In school, we were told to write a story like Dr Seuss. It could be about anything we wanted it to, but it had to rhyme. Quil's rhymed so well, he got suspended."

"Do I want to know?" Bella asked wryly, knowing all too well what type of things Quil might imagine.

"Probably not, but I'm going to tell you anyways. He titled his story "Trix, my Dix" and used lines like "My Dix, he likes to lix". Of course, everyone but the teacher knew he was talking about his favorite cereal and how he feed it to his dog, Dixie. But the teacher thought he was trying to be slyly perverted and sent him to the principal's office. It was hilarious." Merging into full out laughter, Jacob tried to calm himself before he was tempted to give Quil a call and ask about his "Dix".

Bella didn't see anything remotely funny about Quil's attempt to write a story he had to have known would get him in trouble. "Jacob, what have I said about using certain words in front of Thomas? Honestly, it's like I'm raising two children instead of one."

Her husband was still laughing, unable to forget Quil's disappointment from their school years, slowing down when Bella asked, "Isn't Dixie a girl's name?"

The question caused Jacob to lose what little control he had. Gasping and wheezing through his humor he tried to explain, "Yeah, it is. But the dog had been neutered and Quil just assumed it was a girl so he named it Dixie. By the time his mom explained it to him, the name was stuck."

By the time breakfast was over and Jacob was on his way to work, he had completely forgotten about Thomas's new word of the day despite Bella reminding him that tomorrow was date night and that they would be dropping Thomas off at Embry's for the night.

* * *

><p>Friends and family gathered at the Blacks for a friendly BBQ outing, children running about and parents talking casually. Bella was seated at a table with Thomas in her lap, talking animatedly to Kim and Emily about recipes. All of them had children in their laps, stopping to listen when one or another would attempt speech or demand food.<p>

Jacob stood across the yard with Paul and Quil, nursing a beer and barely paying attention to the conversation at hand. It had been more than a year since Embry had first babysat Thomas and while having a free babysitter at his disposal had been a blessing it was now starting to feel like a curse.

"Jake, hey, Jake," Quil asked, snapping his fingers in front of his face to get the man's attention. "Are you listening to us at all?"

"Of course not," Paul snarked, watching Jake. "He's too busy trying to figure out how soon he can end this party and get back to the bedroom with his wife."

Taking another swig from his can, Jake noncommittally agreed with Paul, not having a clue as to what his friends were talking about and not really caring either. He watched as Kim leaned over to hear what Thomas had just said, chuckling with Emily and Bella as it became clearer.

"Did you hear that?" Jacob growled, crushing his beer can and causing the knowing grins to leave Paul and Quil's face.

Quil spared a glance towards the girls sitting at a table. "Hear what, Jake? Did Bella just say for you to come over there and get her?" He knew Bella had been uncomfortable with the other imprints in the beginning but had thought all of those feelings had vanished once Thomas was born

"No! Did you hear what my son just said?"

"Can't say I did," Paul answered callously. "You hear one kid, you've heard them all. Most don't even say anything that remotely sounds like a language."

Jake wasn't listening though. Dropping the crushed can, he took a step towards the girls, only stopping when Quil's hand held his shoulder.

"What is wrong with you, Jake? You look like you're about to kill your wife. You guys fighting?"

"No, but we probably will tonight. I can't believe Bella isn't more concerned about what Thomas is learning."

"Oh, trouble in paradise, Jakey?" Paul snickered, instantly amused. Those two almost never argued; Paul would be surprised if either of them even knew the definition to argument. "And just what has your perfect, little wife done now?"

"Shut it," Quil demanded. "Can't you see he's really upset?"

"Yeah, I can see it. What I want to know is why?" Paul demanded. He hadn't seen Jake this upset since his first phase when he was forbidden from seeing, at the time, his girlfriend Bella.

"Jake, man, we're here for you. Tell us what's going on so we can help you fix it," Quil pleaded, hurt that his friend was extremely upset.

Jacob knew Quil had true intentions and if it had just been the two of them, he might've shared. But Paul's anticipatory look stopped him from sharing. As mad as he was at Bella, even Jacob knew he wouldn't survive with his nuts in tact if he told Paul about the conversation he had overheard.

"It's nothing, Quil. Don't worry about it." Before either Paul or Quil could call his bluff, Jacob left in the other direction to get another drink. Calling over his shoulder in parting, "I gotta go see a dog about his plants."

* * *

><p>"He is corrupting our son!" Jacob ranted that night to Bella as she closed the door to Thomas's room.<p>

Placing her finger over her lip in a gesture to bade her husband to be quiet, she beckoned him to follow her downstairs before continuing whatever delusional conversation was about to transpire. "Jacob, calm down. I have no idea what or who you are referring to. Who is ruining our son?"

"That piece-of-shit, ex-best friend of mine, Embry."

At the bottom of the stairs, Bella turned to face her descending husband, a little shocked at his description of Embry. "Did you and Embry fight over something? I don't even remember seeing him today."

"You didn't see him, because he wasn't there." Jake ran his hand through his hair in agitation. "I had Embry run patrols all day." Looking up, he caught his wife's less-than-pleased look.

"That's not very nice, Jake. Usually you have the guys take turns so everyone can participate. Why would you single Embry out? His girlfriend is very nice and she probably would've enjoyed today."

"His girlfriend needs to be told what a sick, messed-up man, Embry really is."

"Jacob Black, that is completely uncalled for! Embry is very nice and Thomas just adores him. You know as well as I do that small children are more impressionable and every time Embry is around him, he takes the time to teach Thomas something about nature. Whatever in the world could you think is wrong with that?"

"Teach him," Jake spluttered in confusion. "Bella, Embry is teaching Thomas crude language and inappropriate ideas. I was thirty feet away and even I heard what Thomas said to you at the picnic table earlier."

"Jake, I still have no idea what you're talking about. Thomas was just being a child, talking and pointing out the things he could identify, even going so far as to identify what plants were around us. Emily was so impressed she suggested to maybe asking Embry to take the kids on a friendly hike in the forest."

At Jake's look of horror, Bella hurried to elaborate. "Not far; just inside of the state-park. We'd all go and then he could take him a few hundred feet inside of park to talk about the flora."

"Over my dead body!"

"Jake, you're being completely irrational. Embry has never hurt a person and you're acting like he's the next Green River killer. Emily had a really good idea and I think we should at least try it. Think how much the kids would be willing to learn as Embry taught them the basics. Then, as they get older, he can take them further and even teach them what plants are friendly or could be deadly."

"Have you completely lost your fu— your mind?" Jake asked, cutting himself off from swearing directly at his wife. His voice, which had started out in a near whisper, was gaining in volume as he continued. "You're just going to ignore what's going on with our son and his perverted baby-sitter? Bella, I heard him! Thomas told you today at the picnic that 'Bitches like dicks'. If that isn't perverted, what the hell is?"

"Lower you voice before you wake up Thomas," Bella hissed, fully enraged. Grabbing Jake's arm she attempted to pull him out of the hallway and into the back of the kitchen, in hopes of keeping their argument from arousing the sleeping toddler. "Did Paul finally convince you to try to get drunk off of gasoline? Jacob, our son said no such thing. I would know; I was there!"

"Bella, I heard-"

"No, Jake, you didn't! What you heard was Thomas attempting to pronounce difficult sound variations for a child his age. The 'st' sound takes some practice and Thomas is talking perfectly normal. You and your dirty mind made up that nonsense and I'd appreciate it if you'd refrain from filling in the blanks so immaturely."

"Bella, I'm not deaf. I have exceptional hearing and I know what was said. If you'd just take a moment to consider-"

Unable to listen to any more of his ridiculous speech, Bella held up her hand. "The only thing I have to consider, Jacob, is whether or not you have lost whatever maturity you once had. Our child is fine; his speech is fine; and our baby-sitter—your friend Embry—is not corrupting Thomas at all." Sighing, Bella rubbed her temples in agitation and confusion. "Jacob, this is something I'd expect from Paul or even Quil, but I'd never have guessed that you could be so dirty-minded."

"Oh, really, Bella," Jacob snidely threw back. "I know damn well what I heard, but since you're the expert, why don't you tell this stupid, deaf and dumb werewolf what exactly was said."

"Thomas was talking about bushes and that they have many sticks. He was overly excited and may have skipped a few words while combining others." Looking up, her eyes narrowed as she took in Jacob's knowing stare. "However, that in no way means he was saying those foul words you're accusing him of."

"You know I'm right, you're just unwilling to admit it!"

"Are you blaming me for this nonsense?" Bella asked incredulously, amazed that her husband could even think such a thing.

"How can I not?" Jacob countered. "You're the one who's more than willing to let Embry watch him whenever you want to go somewhere. In fact, I've even heard you try to bribe him!"

"Bribe? Jacob, you have lost your mind! I offered to make Embry some home-cooked meals. That poor man eats nothing but take-out and junk food. Excuse me for giving a hoot about one of your pack-brothers."

Opening his mouth to refute her excuse, Jacob was cut off as Bella interjected once more. "And, if memory serves, it was you who suggested Embry in the first place! You told me I was paranoid and overreacting at the time and now you accuse me of not caring enough about our son?"

"That was…that's not…why are you even bringing up last year?" Jake stuttered, wanting to sound like he was in the right, but failing miserably. Seeing the truly pissed off look Bella was sporting, he offered meekly, "I said Embry would be okay to watch Thomas as a onetime thing; not for him to become our nanny!"

"Embry is not our nanny, Jacob. He is a good family friend who doesn't mind helping us out when we need a sitter for Thomas. Our son absolutely adores him too and that alone is more important than anything else." Taking a step away from her husband, Bella pointed him to the living room. "I am going to bed. Alone. Tomorrow you can apologize to both me and your friend for whatever nonsense is eating away at you."

Jacob heard Bella close the bedroom door firmly seconds later; he even heard as she turned the lock, barring him from the room. However, thirty minutes later when he decided it was time to turn in, he still tried the handle, hoping Bella had calmed down and would at least let him sleep in his bed!

She hadn't.

Grumbling, Jacob walked over to the linen closet, pulling out a spare pillow and sheets. Shutting the cabinet, he turned to head back downstairs, inadvertently muttering what a 'bitch' his wife was being, failing to notice a small head peeking out from the nursery.

Breakfast the next morning was tense and silent. Jacob was still pouting from having to sleep on the couch after Bella locked him out of their bedroom and Bella was weary of Jacob, concerned that he might start spouting off about word nonsense in front of Thomas. The toddler was immune to his parent's underlying hostility; they never fought and as far as Thomas was concerned, they were quiet because Mr. Sandman hadn't told them any stories before bedtime.

"Mommy, you a bush?" Thomas asked as Jacob stood up to drop his dishes in the sink.

"No, sweetie, I'm not a bush or a plant; I'm a human just like you." Ruffling Thomas's hair, she stood up to also deposit her dishes in the sink, Thomas's next sentence making her halt.

"Daddy says you're a bush." Giggling wildly, he shoved a square of peanut butter toast into his mouth.

"Is that what daddy said?" Bella hissed, not to Thomas but to Jake who looked like he had just stepped into a mine field. After last night, she knew exactly what a _bush_ translated to in Jacob's mind.

Jacob tried to defend himself without sounding defensive. "It was an accident. I didn't know he had gotten up and was listening to me talk to myself."

"Oh, so the mighty wolf admits that he didn't hear his kid, who was clearly closer than thirty feet away, walk up to him?" Bella whispered, glancing over her shoulder to make sure Thomas wasn't listening to their fight.

He wasn't. Thomas had learned that peanut butter was extremely sticky and if he threw it hard enough, it would stay on the wall; as long as mommy and daddy weren't watching.

"Honey, look. I'm not sorry about what we discussed before going to bed, but I am sorry for what Thomas thinks he might have heard me say to myself."

"You're gonna be sorry. I cannot believe you!" With a muffled scream, Bella stomped out of the kitchen, leaving Jacob to clean up the peanut butter disaster and explain to Thomas why calling someone a bush wasn't nice.

* * *

><p>"It's not like I made anything up!" Jacob yelled to himself on the drive to work. "Bella is blinded by the idea that Thomas might have picked up some bad things from Embry."<p>

"Maybe I should have Sam speak to him, get in his head and find out what the hell is really going on? I'd do it but then I'd be charged for killing a pack-mate and while I wouldn't mind being the hand that dealt the death-blow to that sicko, Bella would never speak to me again! Hell, she'd probably turn my ass in and have Charlie arrest me!"

Banging his hands on the steering wheel, Jacob continued his mini-rant all the way to his office. It wasn't until lunch when he finally calmed down and tried to think of a way to get his own ass out of the doghouse.

Bella wasn't the type to forgive him without some true sincerity behind his apology. He wanted to be able to give her that, but in this case he wasn't convinced he was sorry about his comments towards Embry and the effect the deranged wolf was having on Thomas. He was extremely regretful that Thomas had overheard his mutterings and a tiny bit sorry that he had called Bella that to begin with. It truly was a crime of passion, for Jacob passionately loved his wife and wouldn't dream of calling her that; he had just momentarily lost control of his tongue and the word popped out.

'The best defense is a good offense' Jacob finally concluded. He had learned that from fighting vampires for the past eight years…and watching Monday Night Football with the boys. Wherever the phrase came from, he was about to put it to use.

Jacob knew exactly how he was going to apologize: It was time to fight fire with fire. With that thought firmly in place, Jacob did what every male who needed to apologize to his wife did. He Googled.

"Hey guys, I'm home!" Jacob called out as he stepped into the house carrying a large box. Dinner was apparently still cooking, or nearly done, as Jake could detect the aromas of cheese, tomato sauce, beef and garlic bread. His stomach growled hungrily in appreciation and Jacob's smile grew.

"Daddy!" Thomas cried out, hearing his father's voice. Bella was in the living room with him, and she gently told their son to go greet him. This too eased Jacob's mind. Not that Bella would try to use their son as a pawn in their argument but the thought had been there.

"Hi there, handsome." Bending over, Jacob caught the running child and scooped him up for a hug before continuing on to where Bella was. "I've got you a surprise," he whispered loudly to Thomas, watching his wife's face. She looked a little apprehensive but relaxed as Thomas happily cheered over the thought of a present.

"I'm gonna set you down, okay, buddy? Then I'll give you your gift."

Cheering loudly, Thomas practically leaped from Jacob's arms in an attempt to be put down that much quicker to get his gift. His feet barely planted on the floor, and he turned to his dad with hands outstretched to receive what was to come his way.

Briefly, Jacob thought about giving Thomas a speech about how he knew of his love of plants and wouldn't Embry be just as excited as him, when he showed him his new present. Jacob thought of this and tried to make the lie sound plausible, but just couldn't do it. Instead, he reached into the box and pulled out a small potted plant.

The container was similar to a child's beach pail. Bright red in color and made entirely of plastic it contained a cluster small green stems topped by white poofy-looking things.

"Wabbits!" Thomas screamed, grabbing happily at his gift.

Once Jacob was sure he had a good grip on it, he let go, watching as Thomas set it down in the window and yammering to himself about owning a 'wabbit' plant. "It's, uhh, a clover plant of some sort," Jacob explained. "I looked them up before I went to a nursery; they grow readily around here and I figure that'll make it easier for Thomas to keep alive and stuff."

"That was very thoughtful of you," Bella murmured, pleased to see Jacob gift their son with something that held much interest for him.

"Plus, they're completely harmless! I mean, I know Thomas has a thing about plants and stuff but every part of it is edible so if he were to put it in his mouth, he won't get sick or anything." Jacob saw Bella's smile increase, his own right behind it. He still had one more gift to deliver and hoped, Bella would understand the meanings he had painstakingly researched.

"And this is for you." Reaching into the box again, Jacob pulled out a huge bouquet of varied, multi-hued, flowers.

The center ring of the arrangement held the majority of the flowers present: Hyacinths. From his research, Jacob had learned that particular flower meant 'I'm sorry'. Moving outwards in a haphazard fashion, the bouquet also held Primroses (I can't live without you); Daffodils (you're the only one for me) Orchids (delicate beauty) roses of red (Respect and enduring love) purple (enchantment) white (purity and innocence) and orange (fiery passion).

During his research, Jacob had also learned that depending on what color pink he used it could mean anything from gratitude to happiness. Not wanting to take a chance of missing a meaning, he had added five or six blooms of varying pink roses.

The final kicker to be added -the one that the sales clerk had pleaded him to rethink considering the already eye-sore collection- were Forget-Me-Nots. No way in hell did Jacob ever want Bella to forget him, so he made sure he had added at least four blooms of the last flower, ensuring that Bella would see them regardless of which way the vase was sitting.

Bella was not immune to the gesture her husband was attempting to make, despite the Bozo-the-Clown-Blew-Up collection he was presenting to her. He looked completely sincere and almost happy that he had somehow thought of a gift to show he had in fact been wrong and had no hard feelings about it.

Placing the impossible to miss bouquet on the sofa table, Bella reached out to give her husband a much needed hug which he eagerly replied to.

"You know I love you, right, Bells?" Jake asked as he embraced his wife.

"I do know that, Jake. I love you too. Thank you for the gift; it was unnecessary, but thoughtful and Thomas loves his as well

"Any time, honey, any time," Jacob responded, relieved he could be forgiven so easily. He had also planned for alternative activities for Thomas and tomorrow, UPS would be delivering a telescope. Stars seemed like an innocent topic for any child…

* * *

><p>Eight years later…<p>

"Dad, is it okay if Levi spends the night?" Thomas hollered as he ran through the front door, Sam's son directly behind him.

Jacob, sitting in an arm chair, casually looked up as the two ten year olds raced into the house, feet beating quickly as they made for the stairwell.

"That's fine, Tommy, but you guys need to slow down; mom doesn't allow running in the house. What's the rush anyways?"

Pausing to catch their breaths, Thomas choked out, "There's a meteor shower tonight and I told Levi we could watch it better through the telescope."

Jacob nodded his head in understanding. "That's fine, boys. Have fun and be careful. I don't want anything broken as you two fight over who gets a chance to look first."

Thomas nodded once before heading up the stairs, Levi still trying to catch his breath. "Don't worry, Uncle Jake," he finally spoke as he ascended the stairs. "We won't break anything; otherwise Tommy won't let me see Uranus."

Both children were out of sight before Jacob could pick his jaw up off of the floor. _Had Levi just said…?_ Cautiously, Jake made his way to the bar to take pour a shot of whiskey. After downing the burning liquid to calm himself, he wondered how he was going to explain any of this to Bella…or what to buy her for an apology?


End file.
